Every January, shadow work is suddenly everywhere, usually presented as something intense that will transform you by the end of the month. I would like to offer a slower and kinder version, with some firm advice about its limits.
What shadow work is
The term is borrowed from twentieth-century psychology. The shadow is the name given to the parts of ourselves that we have learned to hide, deny, or dislike: the anger of a person who was taught to be agreeable, the ambition of one who was taught to be modest, the neediness of one who prides themselves on coping. The shadow also holds good things that were once unwelcome, such as confidence or playfulness.
Shadow work is the practice of looking at those parts honestly, so that they stop steering you from out of sight. Witches have taken it up because it suits the Craft's old insistence on knowing yourself, and because the dark of the year and the dark of the moon are natural times for it.
What it is not
It is not therapy, and it is not a way of working through trauma by yourself. It is not a test of how much pain you can bear. If you are living with the effects of serious harm, or with depression or anxiety, please do this kind of work with a qualified professional and not from a blog post. That is not a formality. It is the most important sentence on this page.
Making a container
The difference between shadow work and simply brooding is that shadow work has edges. Give it a beginning and an end.
- Set a time limit. Fifteen minutes is enough. Set a timer.
- Open. Light a candle and ground and center. Say: "For the next fifteen minutes, I am willing to look honestly."
- Write. Take one prompt and write without stopping or editing. Nobody will read it.
- Close. When the timer goes off, stop, even in the middle of a sentence. Say: "That is enough for today." Put out the candle.
- Return. Wash your hands in cold water, eat something, and do something ordinary and pleasant. This step is not optional.
Once a week is plenty. The waning moon and the days before the new moon are the traditional time. See moon phases.
Six prompts to begin with
Take one at each sitting. They are arranged from the gentler to the more demanding.
- What compliment do I find hardest to accept, and why?
- What quality in other people irritates me most? Where do I do the same thing, perhaps in a quieter way?
- What was I told, as a child, that I should not be? Too loud, too sensitive, too clever, too much?
- When did I last feel envious? What does that envy tell me that I want?
- What am I pretending not to know?
- What would I do if I were not afraid of being judged?
What to do with what you find
Mostly, nothing dramatic. The work is in the seeing. When you notice that the colleague who annoys you is doing something that you forbid yourself, the annoyance loosens of its own accord. When you admit to envy, it turns into information about what you want.
If a clear action follows, such as an apology, a boundary, or a long-postponed decision, write it down and take it into the waxing moon, when it is time to act.
The other half of the shadow
Do not go looking only for faults. For every session spent on something difficult, spend one on the good things that you have hidden. What were you once teased for that was actually a gift? What do you admire in others that you do not allow in yourself? Reclaiming those is shadow work too, and it is the part that brings people back to life.
When to stop
Stop for the day if you feel overwhelmed, numb, or unable to settle afterward. Stop altogether, and seek support, if the work stirs up more than you can hold. There is no merit in pushing through. The shadow has waited this long, and it will wait until you have the right help.
Done slowly and with kindness, this is some of the most worthwhile work in the Craft. Done in a hurry, it is merely unpleasant. Be gentle with yourself.